Wherever I travel it’s there in the press

How a Pittsfield parishioner exposed a molester, 25 years before another survivor reported her clergy abuse

I’m traveling to the Berkshires for my son’s wedding next week. So I was researching the area and it’s weather. What I read in the Berkshire newspapers was a report of a clergy abuse investigation. Two quotes are below.

“The task force was initially led by retired Judge Daniel A. Ford of Pittsfield. He stepped down in early June citing a perceived conflict of interest over his role, due to his work with the law firm Egan Flanagan & Cohen, which has long represented the diocese, including on clergy abuse legal matters.” https://www.berkshireeagle.com/news/local/task-force-handling-clergy-abuse-reports-springfield-diocese/article_d9df995e-0ff6-11ec-93e2-3b2786c13351.html

“The report found that, prior to a June 2019 leadership change at the Office of Safe Environment and Victim Assistance (OSEVA), internal investigations were not conducted in accordance with best practices. Now, “four highly qualified professionals” run that process and report their findings to the review board.” https://www.gazettenet.com/Diocesan-sexual-abuse-task-force-issues-final-report-42373609

Conflicts of interest, failure to follow National Guidelines, pedophile bishops covering for pedophile priests.

I keep thinking things are getting better. I keep thinking that perhaps the church can actually grow and change. Then I remind myself of what happened in 2002 and the denial, obfuscation, deceit, and duplicity that followed. And I let go of my naive hope once again. And it hurts once again.

I don’t think it will ever stop hurting. But I can heal, even if the Catholic Church refuses to.

In June 2021 the diocese of Springfield added 41 new names to the list of credibly accused priests. But the list does not include the name of the priest from the first newspaper article at the top of this post. How many others are still missing.

Missing teaching

I have moved on from the Catholic Church. I no longer consider myself a member. I no longer attend services except for weddings and funerals – Covid has given me a reason to refuse communion without offending family or friends. But yesterday when I was having a cranial sacral massage ( light touch, fully clothed) I started talking about teaching religion in the Catholic school system and how I was proud of my accomplishments, and my massage therapist commented that as I got animated about teaching my neck muscles relaxed! And I realised that I do miss it.

I taught theology classes with an investigative approach not a dogmatic or doctrinal one. I approached scripture from an historical critical standpoint. Who wrote what, when, and where, and to whom. I compared and contrasted the Gospels and traced the development of christology. On the senior level I developed my own course integrating introductory philosophy and classical theology under themes like: Truth, God, Suffering, Evil. I did a good job, and I don’t say that easily. At least it was a good job in my estimation and that of my colleagues and even some students and their parents. But I didn’t teach about Eucharistic miracles or Marian apparitions, so in the opinion of the more conservative parents I wasn’t Catholic enough. And then there was the fact that when I talked about the Reformation I sided with Martin Luther! I mean, how could you not!? Leo was a hedonistic, unordained aristocrat who was made an abbot at 8 (so his family could collect income from the abbey properties) and a Cardinal at 13. But he was not actually ordained a priest until he was elected pope at age 38, thanks to the political and financial power of his family.

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Leo-X

But I digress. The Archdiocese of New Orleans, in their infinite wisdom, decided on the high school curriculum. My course was to be replaced by Church History. Moreover, the history text they selected for Church History was written thematically around the nature of the church (Ecclesiology) and not its historical development or behavior. The text didn’t have a chapter on the Reformation, and certainly not any reference to corruption in the papacy. How could you teach Church History without a significant piece on the Reformation and Counter-Reformation? Not to mention the Muslim holocaust known as the Crusades.

So, combine that development with the revelations in the church about bishops continuing to lie and protect their fellow child-abusing bishop friends and the writing was writ large on the wall. It was time to leave Catholic education and the Catholic Church. And I was broken-hearted about both.

I remain completely untrusting of the Catholic Church but I miss education. Maybe it’s time to put my course into a book.

National Review Board

National Review Board Urges Need to Broaden the Scope of the Charter to Include Bishops; Lay Panel Urges Reform to Improve Transparency and Enhance Accountability

November 13, 2018

BALTIMORE—On Tuesday, November 13, the head of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ independent lay advisory panel on the protection of children and young people delivered a special report to the body of U.S. bishops regarding the abuse crisis in the Church. In an address to the bishops who have gathered in Baltimore for the annual fall general assembly, National Review Board Chairman Francesco Cesareo, Ph.D., outlined key reforms and urged action. The report calls for broadening the scope of the Charter on the Protection of Children and Young People to include bishops; the publication of complete lists of credibly accused clergy in all dioceses; improving the audit process; and enhancing accountability for bishops regarding cases of abuse.

 

My thoughts:

If I report my neighbor for sexually assaulting my child, I don’t expect the decision to pursue the accusation to depend on the opinion of a group of his friends and co-workers. No one would deem that a reasonable, moral, appropriate way of pursuing justice, or caring for the victim.

Why is it then that Catholics blithely accept that bishops should be the ones to decide if accusations against their fellow bishops and their priests are credible and if any action should be taken.

Why is it that the news media don’t question this incredible procedural flaw/insanity?

• It is time for good Catholics to stand up to their bishops.
• It is time for good bishops to stand up to their peers.
• It is time for District Attorneys to step up and demand that accusations be brought to them.

The Catholic Church should not wait until there are two “credible accusations” against an abuser. Do we wait for an accused non-clerical rapist to repeat his actions before we investigate his crimes? Separation of Church and State should not be a shield for clergy, enabling them to hide beneath the cassocks of their superiors and avoid criminal charges.

Yes, I am angry. Yes, I was a Catholic. Yes, I was sexually abused by two priests who were moved around and re-assigned. I even taught high school religion for 27 years, until the revelations of 2002-2006 highlighted a systemic dysfunction, dishonesty, and moral pollution in the church, and a cadre of bishops who continued to subvert the pursuit of truth and justice.

The above news item again describes a system of reporting to the bishops about the bishops. We have heard repeatedly over the last few years that the bishops have not been following their own Charter for the Protection of Children. What makes Catholics think their bishops have suddenly adopted a moral backbone?

See article here:

https://buffalonews.com/2018/11/13/catholic-bishops-who-ignored-sex-abuse-should-resign-adviser-tells-them/

Full National Review Board Special Report here:

http://www.usccb.org/about/child-and-youth-protection/upload/National-Review-Board-Special-Report-to-the-Body-of-Bishops-November-2018.pdf

Journal Entry 9/6/2018 #2

Men in black, together.

Do they talk about me

and lick their fingers and touch themselves?

Waiting to get me alone.

Waiting for my daddy

to bring me,

a little lamb

to the slaughter.

PTSD the Return!

I am being so triggered by the Philadelphia revelations.

Nightmares. Hyper-vigilance. Tremors. Dissociation. Intensified startle reflex. Insomnia. Anxiety. Irrational fears.

Not fun.

I write Letters to the Editor; I journal; I read newspapers, then wish I hadn’t. It feels strong to respond and challenge people, but it makes me more paranoid about the Church sending priests in black cars to “come and get me,” to kill me for telling their secrets.

I keep telling myself, “I am safe. I am safe.” But then I journal and don’t feel safe any more.

 

The Shepherd and the Sheepdogs

There once was a sheep farmer with a very large flock. So large he had to use lots of sheepdogs. His sheepdogs were trained to guard his sheep, guide them in for branding and shearing, and protect them and their offspring from predators – especially wolves. The sheep had come to love and trust the farmer, and because of that they accepted the role of the sheepdogs and came to love and trust them also.

Yet, as hard as the farmer and his dogs tried to protect them, every month there was always one or two lambs found with their throats torn out, their mothers bleating noisily at their side, trying to lick away the blood and make their babies whole again.

One spring the farmer had a visitor who wanted to evaluate his farming methods. The visitor’s name was Tom. Tom spent days and nights watching, taking notes, compiling his report. When he was done Tom presented his report to the farmer. Tom had concluded that the lambs were not being killed by wolves at all, they were secretly being killed by sheepdogs. Well, the farmer got angry when he read this and just tore up the report. “That’s nonsense!” said the farmer, “I know my dogs; I trained them well. They wouldn’t hurt a lamb. Never!”

In his report Tom also revealed that the farmer had not only known these facts to be true but also had previously sold to other sheep farmers any sheepdog he found with evidence of bloodshed on his muzzle. And furthermore he had done so without revealing to the new farmer the danger the sheepdog posed.

The farmer sent a letter to Tom’s boss and Tom was fired.

Besides revealing the covert behavior of the sheepdogs, Tom also reported that after each lamb was found slaughtered by the “wolves” the carcass was cut up and the bones were fed to the sheepdogs, whose blood lust was thereby further aroused.

Black

Why do they have to wear these long robes, the men in black? Why now, after decades without, are the young ones, the new priests, reverting to these garments? Does it give them a sense of greater dignity, greater separation from regular folks? Is the collar not enough these days?

I wish that they’d stop. I wish they’d just wear a suit. Would they stop if they knew? If they knew that was how he dressed, that was where he kept it, his secret that I had to kiss, soft and salty, peeking out from his black dress that smelled of smoke and drinking and something else I smell in my nightmares.

Traces of Hope

Over the past few years I have used the opportunity offered by this blog to reflect on many aspects of my healing from sexual abuse by Catholic priests.

I have a new book coming out that tells the story of my healing journey and my journey through grief and loss if you are interested in my full story.

Hope for the Future

John’s passage describing his “revelation” succinctly explains the perspective of the Church and the reason why things have been so slow to change.

Catholics4Change

Click here to read: “I Was Once a Victim,” by John Salveson, class of ’77, ’78 M.A., Notre Dame Magazine, Summer 2013

Excerpt:

Slowly, eventually, I figured out the reason for the lack of progress within the Church. It really was simple. I had long believed the Roman Catholic Church considered the child sex-abuse crisis to be a moral issue. So I expected clergy to care about the victims and to do the right thing.

But the simple truth I had learned over time was this: Much of the Catholic leadership does not view this as a moral issue. They view it as a risk-management issue. The focus is on managing settlements, keeping the topic out of the media, telling the faithful everything is taken care of and, most of all, doing everything humanly possible to ensure none of these cases ever make it into a court of law.

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A response to commenters on Mary Gail Frawley-O’Dea’s article on NCR

Reference:
“Hard work awaits pope and abuse survivors”
Mary Gail Frawley-O’Dea | NCR Apr. 23, 2013

A response:

I read the article and was impressed, as always, by Frawley-O’Dea’s passionate and insightful comments. She not only counsels but truly understands the struggles of victims. Not all therapists can comprehend the spiritual devastation of priest abuse.

Then I read the comments and was sickened by two themes: 1. The problem is homosexuality; 2. Compensation is a miss-use of church funds and neglects the poor and needy.

To the second point I want to say that the victims of pedophile and sexually abusive priests are, in my experience (11 years active in the survivor community; 54 years living with the effects of the abuse) some of the poorest, most damaged and needy people in the catholic community. Sadly they are no longer actively catholic and hence not included in the charitable giving of the church. But the reason they are no longer actively catholic IS the church – the behavior of abusive priests in the church.

I have known suicides, alcoholics, drug users, homeless, bankrupt, mentally ill victims whose lives were irrevocably damaged by suffering priest abuse. Counseling is vital, but so is the ability to earn a living, a place to live, and food to eat. Unfortunately the emotional and psychological ability to process a claim against the church is beyond the mental and certainly fiscal resources of most victims. This is where pro-active lawyers must step in and when they do the claims made must cover their fees and they are expensive. And getting a large settlement is what lawyers do. It helps their reputations. This is just the facts. If the church would make settlements before lawyers are engaged it would lesson costs to the church. But the bishops are the first ones to lawyer up. Again, my experience: 17 years seeking help for therapy, the bishop eventually said – “don’t write to me any more, talk to my lawyer. ” It was downhill from there.

Now to the first point. Homosexuality is not and never has been the issue. No more than heterosexuality. If we throw out homosexual priests we have to throw out heterosexual ones too, because pedophilia and ephebophilia are two very different issues and not strictly homo or heterosexual. Sexually abusive priests I have known, or learnt about, were psychologically deformed in some manner. Some abused girls and boys, some abused adults and children. One of my abusers raped my mother, molested me and one of my brothers. How should he be categorized? Simply a sick man with a corrupted morality and deformed psycho-sexual nature. He was an opportunistic abuser, not a homosexual or heterosexual abuser. We have to stop labeling this a homosexual issue. Healthy homosexual relationships are between consenting adults and are as committed as heterosexual ones. The problem for some of the commenters is that homosexuality is seen as evil so it must the root of the sexual problems of abuser priests. Wrong! If anything, the common sexual issues for abusive priests are chastity and celibacy.