I am being so triggered by the Philadelphia revelations.
Nightmares. Hyper-vigilance. Tremors. Dissociation. Intensified startle reflex. Insomnia. Anxiety. Irrational fears.
Not fun.
I write Letters to the Editor; I journal; I read newspapers, then wish I hadn’t. It feels strong to respond and challenge people, but it makes me more paranoid about the Church sending priests in black cars to “come and get me,” to kill me for telling their secrets.
I keep telling myself, “I am safe. I am safe.” But then I journal and don’t feel safe any more.
From Hurt to Healing 
PTSD, pain, self doubt, seeing it as my fault. It happened when I was six. No-one was talking about such things. I did not speak of it until I was 30. By then I had been abused by other men. Did he say “that’s why God put you here”?
I am 67. It has effected my entire life, and all my relationships. I am a different person because of it.
Thank you for sharing this blog.It verifies that I am not ‘crazy’, just damaged.
I wonder if we used words like “in the process of healing” it would give us a greater sense of control over who we are now and stop letting our abusers define us.
I think you are courageous and strong because you have just posted on my blog.
I’m 65 and I was in my early thirties when I started addressing my abuse. And yes, I had experienced more than one abusive relationship by then. Therapists has a term for it but I can’t remember it – we recreate (unconsciously) our abuse situation in the hope (again unconsciously) of bringing own out a better outcome.
I was “drawn” to priests emotionally, they responded sexually – of course. So evil, so opportunistic. And all the time my “little Mona” was trying to find a “good priest” to heal her from the abuse a priest had caused her.
Sorry if this is too much of a response. I would be more than happy to continue a conversation via email if you so chose. We obviously have a lot in common and most press is given to young make victims. One rarely hears about female child victims.
I do hope you have a good therapist. I would not be here without mine.
Take care, be well.
Mona