There’s a shadow man
he lives in the shadows
appears; disappears
you don’t know where he is
then suddenly, silently, he’s there
and pulls you in.
You can’t get out
like in a nightmare when you try to wake up
you try really hard
but you can’t.
And no one comes to save you
because they haven’t noticed you’re gone.
No one misses you
you just disappear.
And when they think they see you
it’s not you at all
because you are gone and only a shadow remains.
I am being so triggered by the Philadelphia revelations.
Nightmares. Hyper-vigilance. Tremors. Dissociation. Intensified startle reflex. Insomnia. Anxiety. Irrational fears.
Not fun.
I write Letters to the Editor; I journal; I read newspapers, then wish I hadn’t. It feels strong to respond and challenge people, but it makes me more paranoid about the Church sending priests in black cars to “come and get me,” to kill me for telling their secrets.
I keep telling myself, “I am safe. I am safe.” But then I journal and don’t feel safe any more.
How do I process my grief?
Does suffering have any meaning?
Do we live in a random chaotic universe?
Is it time to re-evaluate my understanding of “God”?
This book is for anyone who has suffered a loss – of safety, of one’s home, of health, of a loved one or a relationship, or of one’s faith … and found themselves asking, “Why?” And then wondering, “Who am I asking?” and hoping they were not alone.
From Hurt to Healing 