The Pillar

The Pillar

My one pillar

My faith: my church; my God

Eaten away

By Boston 2002

Leaving my teaching

Leaving my church

By Malc’s death

By the Divine silence

divine Silence

 

Pat’s acts were love; because I loved him

Downey gave me money;

I took it; I’m complicit

Bogan was my fault; I visited him

Walsh didn’t really happen –

The original sin

 

But if it did?

All others come under its light

And if they are true?

What is left of my religion?

 

Clinging to the Catholic Church

Like a cuckold clinging to her unfaithful spouse

Fragments of that pillar remained

Undergirding me silently

While building blocks were placed

Tentatively beside the skeleton foundation

But they don’t reach high enough

Are subject to floods and wind

Disillusionment and disappointment

 

So here I am teetering, teetering

Realizing my reluctance was borne of survival

Not denial

But like Eve my eyes have been opened

And the light is shining through the bony scaffold

That collapses as I reach out for it

Fingers passing through

The Pillar becomes dust

“the centre cannot hold”

“The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;”*

 

 

*Quotes from “The Second Coming” by William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

 

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I am Clean

I see shattered
You see whole
I see broken
But You see beautiful
And You’re helping me to believe
You’re restoring me piece by piece
There’s nothing too dirty
That You can’t make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean
There’s nothing too dirty
That You can’t make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean
What was dead now lives again
My heart’s beating, beating inside my chest
Oh I’m coming alive with joy and destiny
‘Cause You’re restoring me piece by piece
There’s nothing too dirty
That You can’t make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean
There’s nothing too dirty
That You can’t make worthy
You wash me in mercy
I am clean
Washed in the blood of Your sacrifice
Your blood flowed red and made me white
My dirty rags are purified
I am clean …