Where was I?

It’s only in looking back that I realise I was depressed these past months.
It’s only in looking back that not wanting anything more than sleeping on the weekends seems like a clue to a low mood.
It’s only in looking back that finding myself unable to work on my book or rejoin the choir seems telling and weeks of easy tears seem abnormal.

I think when you’re depressed it’s easy to miss it, even when you have a history. Maybe because you have a history. A little depression is just a common state of mind, so who’s to say when it is becoming a problem, when it is becoming “clinical.”

But today I went for a walk, even a little run; I enjoyed becoming breathless – it didn’t take much. I raised my face to the sun and my arms to the wind. I spread the fingers of my hands and felt the air between each one. I felt myself opening up, and wondered – not for the first time – where have I been?


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I am a wife and mother, a once-Catholic now UCC Christian, with a degree in Theology, a Masters in Religious Education, 27 years of theology teaching experience -- mainly High School, some College. I am now working as a Hospital Chaplain and feeling humbled and privileged every day. I love my family and I love to write; writing helps keep me sane. Published writing: • From Hurt To Healing, Publish America 2004, ebook on Amazon, 2011; •"Forgive and Forget," America Magazine, September 16, 2002; •"From Victim to Victimizer," Human Development Magazine, Summer 2005; • It's Just Not Fair, Introducing The Fairly-Good Mother, ebook at Amazon, 2011; • Traces of Hope: Surviving Grief and Loss, March 2015, St. Johann Press http://www.amazon.com/Traces-Hope-Surviving-Grief-Loss/dp/1937943275

2 thoughts on “Where was I?”

  1. Things you need to know if you have a faith in God!
    If actions of so called ‘Religious people’ have damaged you faith in God, please read on!
    With was happened in the Magdalene Laundry’s is saddening and sickening to hear about especially when these so called religious people were meant to praying or living for God who teaches, kindness, peace, compassion not cruelty.
    What the bible says guides what to do with orphans:
    James 1:27 ; Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
    It says to look after, they were beaten, abused, starved and made slaves.
    Col 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
    Sadly again, all were ignored by so the people who claimed to be his people ignored Gods teaching.
    God gives us choice these days, he is patient. Sadly, people take advantage of their freedom. We can love and give or we can hate and take. In Old Testament times, God was not so graceful and patient, if you done wrong, you may have paid the price there and then. Have a look at the command he gave to the people about orphans and what happened if you mist-treated them:
    Exodus 22:22,23: “Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. 23 If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. 24 My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.
    You may ask why this happened, the main reasons is that these people paraded around pretending to be holy people and nobody really stood up to them. They lived by crazy traditions and not by God’s teachings, they still go around doing or teaching what is contrary to the bible and many people’s faith in God has been damaged.
    The bible warns of such:
    Matt 7:15 Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves
    There is hope, God’s son did not die in vain and he left a legacy of love, patience, kindness. All his ways and good teachings can be found in the Word of God, the Bible!
    If you want to know the truth, if you want to have a faith in God then we’re instructed to find it in his Word, the Bible
    Romans 10:17 : So faith comes from hearing the message. And the message that is heard is the word of Christ

    1. You are right, of course. The message of Jesus is a positive one despite the way in which some of those who claim to minister in his name choose to live.

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